"The happiest place on earth"

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

"Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry." - George Ade

***

Japan trip
Day 12 - 17th June - Miyajima, Hiroshima
(Part 4)

One of the myths that Singaporean men hold dear is that Japanese girls are all gorgeous. The reason why they believe this is that they watch too much Japanese AV (Adult Videos). I will note that although the variance of Japanese girls is very high (higher than in the Baltics), the mean is still higher than in Singapore. Despite innate preferences though, the mean in the Baltics was higher, especially in Estonia.

Looking at normal Japanese women and walking into a DVD store, you'd think you were in 2 different countries, and I'm not just referring to looks; my theory is that if you're a well-endowed, decent-looking Jap girl, you will do AV or gravure at some point in your life.



Monkeys passing out from the heat

A vending machine sold a can of what was labelled "pine cider" but had a picture of a pineapple on it. GAH.

I didn't feel up to a 1 hour trek downhill, so I took the ropeway back down (I had been overambitious and didn't buy a return ticket - which was slightly cheaper than two one-ways).


Mountainside


Deer on slope. Notice desertification taking place.


Weird box in my car. It's a Y100 "guide machine" for some "annual event". Great, they've a way to get your money even inside a cable car.


"Be careful of a raccoon dog!
Please do not give food.
Please do not approach carelessly."
Weird sign at cable car terminal at hill base (which was a while away from the town)


Deer eating cardboard in front of a motorcycle (yes, they were tearing and chewing). No wonder they used them for pelts (on sale in the shop!)

Very near where the shuttle bus from the cable car station dropped us off, there was a restaurant. Tired and hungry, I decided to lunch there. On reflection, that wasn't the best thing to do, but oh well. The large jug of cold barley tea they gave me made up for it (it's always hot in Singapore but they always give green tea. Bah).



They had an English menu but it wasn't very helpful: "Kaki nabe udon (oyster)" and "nabeyaki udon (udon in claypot)" were the same price. I asked the waiter the difference and he said "tamago" so I assumed there was more variety, so I went for it.

The English menu translated "donburi" as "overrice". At first I saw "overprice".

There was a large group of French-speaking tourists. Hah.


My udon. The oysters were huge (but not very fresh - I'd had fried oysters earlier and they were okay, but these were a bit mushy, but that might have been due to the soup).
Oysters are supposed to be a Hiroshima speciality. I'd asked the receptionist at the hostel and she said it was a winter special, but I could have them at Miyajima (maybe they make an exception for tourists).

When I walked to the shore, I saw the floating torii again:


Only it wasn't floating anymore, at 2:30pm (about the time of low tide). This is why I came early.


Up close


She sells oysters by the sea shore

I saw some women in tudungs. I hope they didn't eat teriyaki.


Assorted sweets


Another smoking and train courtesy campaign poster. I like "It's painful to get caught between the closing doors. Even more so are the eyes of those looking at you."


Wanted/missing signs. I like the auntie who flashed the V-sign.

When I got back to Hiroshima I still had some time, so I went to Hiroshima Castle.


Getting there was annoying, since there were only 2 ways across the moat.




Entrance

Unfortunately photography was banned, and I didn't have the energy to play games with the staff. There were only 3 things worth taking phjotos of anyway (I transcribed their names).

They gave out fans to use in the castle, since it was damn hot. Although they had rebuilt it concrete with modern technology (like electric lights), they hadn't installed air-conditioning (and the interior didn't approximate the original either, so it was a lose-lose situation). Gah.

They were quite clever, using rivers as a natural defence. When enemies neared the castle, built on higher ground than the surroundings, they would destroy the banks and flood the enemy's camp.

The Samurai had special helmets ot wear when fighting fires ("火事兜"). Wth.

They had this giant 146cm butt plug labelled "網代金箔押唐人笠形馬標" (a MS Paint sketch of my transcription reveals that the first character of the phrase had a different left-hand side but getting it out in kanji is even harder than in traditional Chinese, so). This is one of the few times Babelfish ("Wickerwork gold foil pushing China human sedge hat shape horse mark") does better than Google ("笠形mat gilt馬標people押唐")

They had cute polearms to catch criminals by their sleeves/clothes:
"袖搦" (likewise, I transcribed the first character differently)
"刺股"
"突棒"
No wonder working men in Japan wear business suits nowadays.

Oddly, they had 2 displays, photography of which was permitted.


I think this is a Samurai's house


Merchant house

The castle's masters changed "unavoidable hard work into a form of entertainment": they needed to trample and harden the river banks, so they had a "ryoya odori" (Two night dance) and a "sunamochi kasei" ("sand-carrying help", literally).


View from the top. Bleah.


"Welcome to the Topfloor! Here is a memorial stamp!"
Reward for climbing to the top. I'm amused it's part of the "100 Famous Japanese Castles" category - I didn't think there were even 100 castles left in Japan. Maybe they counted ruined ones.


My reward

Information panel on medicine: "After the mid-Edo period there was a marked trend towards emphasising practical evidence in medicine". One wonders what was emphasised before that. The use of mercury?

The thing about Japanese swords was that whenever the part of the blade that the hilt covers is exposed and I looked at them, I saw words: probably a maker's mark.

I then left the Castle.


8 Immortals Seven Gods of Luck ("Shichifukujin") promoting a restaurant (?)


"Let's 388" Pachinko parlor

I happened to walk past a very discreetly-marked sex shop (I recognised it due to a poster outside I'd seen in Osaka, as well as a heart with an arrow through it and the word "love"). I walked past an old woman watering the plants outside into the shop. Inside, I found no one so while waiting for the attendant I looked around trying to find the Tenga Cup for a certain unnamed someone, but failed (like sex shops in Singapore, this only sold stuff from cheapskate ripoof brands). Then, the old woman who'd been watering the plants outside came in: she was the shop attendant/owner. GAH. (In any case, she didn't stock it, even after I pronounced it in a Japanese way and wrote it down)

I saw 2 Filipinas talking to a middle-aged man outside a hotel ("明月和室"). He gave them money and then got into a cab. Hurr hurr. (This was interesting because you almost never see Japanese prostitutes outside their places of work) Also, down the road was "lutong pinoy" (Filipino food).

Walking on, I found another "DVD" shop with Y100 porn. They had non-adult material ("一般作"), but only 2 cabinets of it. Interestingly, in their bestiality collection the dog's member was not mosaiced. Must be very popular.


Masturbation sleeve dispenser


More shit: perfume, aphrodisiacs, masturbation sleeves etc


"Thank you for your visit. we hope you will come again soon."
Yes. I'm sure I'll, err, come again.


Animatronic crab

Since I had nothing to do, I headed to an onsen. Unlike the sento in Kyoto, this one had minerals in the water. However, these minerals were added into the water - this was not a bona fide onsen.

The shoe lockers were interesting, because the key was a block of wood with 2 numerals on it. My guess was that the blocks of wood were perfectly substitutable, but this wouldn't matter since no one would steal your shoes anyway.

One old man told me: "Boukin y'air" (???)

The changing room had a CCTV. Wth. The female one probably didn't though - this is the land where women keep flushing the toilet when they use it.

The onsen had 2 hot baths (probably the same except that one had a jet from the side and one from below). Besides a cold bath and a sauna, it also had a Chinese medicinal bath with a medicine ball - yes, it's not just for PE! The ball looked more like a rugby ball though.

The hot baths weren't very hot, but they were good. The medicinal bath smelled and looked like Chinese herbal soup. I got in and after a while my nether regions started tingling (like when you use menthol shower gel). The cold bath was full so I ran to sit in one of the hot baths, and when the cold one emptied I went in, and my feet and calves felt like they were about to cramp.

After another rotation of all the baths I attempted to enter the sauna, but the wall of heat that greeted me when I opened the door and the feel of the floor scared me off. I did notice a TV with sound inside though. Amazing, this technology.

While I was sitting in the changing room recovering/drying up (yes, I didn't bring a towel and the small one they gave me was inadequate not least since it was soaked), one old man bought me a drink out of the blue and "talked" a little bit to me. I tried "Energen" which, besides being isotonic, supposedly had anti-oxidants, β-carotene, and Vitamin C & E to raise oxygen consumption during exercise. In the small print anyway. The big print read: "Burn your body fat".

One of the old guys was uncircumcised. Another guy had tattoos on his thigh (maybe that's why there was a CCTV).

Another interesting thing in the changing room vending machine: "Caloriemate Block" which was a meal replacement. Uhh.

Exiting the onsen, I saw the tell-tale signs around me:


Filipina hostesses


New meat

They informed me that, once again, I was in the red light district. I had no idea why Ondo Onsen was in the red light district. Or why I kept ending up in one wherever I went.


This has been translated for me as:

"Hiroshima's oasis
広島のオアシス

Unified Pricing throughout the country
Compulsory full advance payment"

There was a place called, not very subtly, "New Young". A club, I assumed.


This looks like a maid cafe, but it seems the level of service is here is superlative (see the massage)


"Hoopers The Hustle". Hoopers or Hookers?


I like the ultra-long sushi rolls at the bottom

I needed to sate my appetite but most of the establishments were out of my price range (men are suckers during the afterglow). Luckily I found one place:


Y800 chashu ramen. It'd have been better and cheaper in Osaka but oh well.


The meal was alright though the noodles and soup were a bit alkali.


Dodgy-looking sign

I saw a pharmacy which was open from 1pm to 1:30am (?!). It sold condoms and pregnancy test kits. They also had "Kagl. Peculiar hormones suppository 女性用“

At one "Cheers" bar there was a girl in hot shorts talking on a mobile phone. She opened a ceiling-height window and sat. I thought it was a ploy to get customers but later she closed it and went in.


Street

I then visited an arcade, hoping to see a slice of Japanese arcade culture:

"In Metal Slug 6 and Argos no Senshi and Ghost Squad, in Ibara and 2 Spicy. We even sit there and watch as this fucking dude gets up all the way to the fourth form of the last boss of Guwange, having killed the demon spiders, and the demon caller, and the freaky demon spawn baby, and loses his last life just as the fucking demon guardian spirit thing is about to buy the farm. And what does this guy do? He gets up and leaves.

Why doesn't this guy drop in another coin and just bomb the fucking thing to death? What's a hundred yen worth these days --
can he really be that cheap? Doesn't he want to see the ending? What the fuck is wrong with him?

What the fuck is wrong with every single one of the several hundred fucking people in the two floors of this fucking
arcade
?

Why do they never continue?"

I didn't see that, but there were other interesting things:


Tokusatsu figurines outside


Not your mother's "UFO Catcher".
Just before I took this picture a couple walked away from it. The girl was very happy because she'd picked up a "Goth-loli maid one piece" set.


Play Mahjong Fight Club with Jesus


Super retro corner. With Super Mario, Pac Man and Wonder Boy.


Cutout of a mascot for 'Otomedius' (described as "Boobs + Gradius = Otomedius"). She must have superpowers to prevent her outfit falling apart.


Me love eyelash long long time

I then walked back to the hostel.


A-bomb dome at night


Band underneath bridge near A-bomb dome

Navigating the roads in Hiroshima was hard because only the more major ones had street signs. Also, at intersections street signs hung from lamp posts - on both vertical and horizontal axes, so it wasn't clear which street was being signposted.

There was a "Hotel High Up". Err.


I saw another "DVD" shop. It shocked and scandalised me because not just was only 10-15% of the collection of an adult nature (usually only 10-15% is NOT of such a nature), it was segregated from the rest of the shop by a curtain.


"The movie which a ghost fights, and impress you" (the PG collection)


"pick up Artist. recomens pick up japanese artist music. listen to me this music very best"


"Samurai go to ?
Sexual communication USA + Sex + Bl?
Exchange ?

Sunny Lane
Christine Alexis
Wanted for public defecation. Samurai Boy. US$004 reward. Samurai rushed into woman student's school life... was caught by... to Samurai's.

U.S.A 女子校生
Private Sex in US School Girls Hunt Fantasy"
Uhh.....


"Glory Quest. She Male Jam"
Oddly enough there was no shemale stuff there.


"Brain Mansion"


More Japanese Snake Oil. It's supposed to stop snoring. I don't think it works.

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